4 Things I’ve Learned When Past Lovers Come Back

With Venus in retrograde, this seems like the perfect time for this post. Not sure what that means? A retrograde happens when the planet appears to be moving backwards (this is actually an illusion, as it is merely that the planet is just moving more slowly). You’ve heard of Mercury Retrograde, no doubt, but what about Venus? Venus, the goddess of love and war, can also profoundly affect you, just as Mercury retrograde, but in different ways. She is the ruler of all things beautiful, material, and love. Therefore, it is unwise to enter into a new love affair during this time. It’s also unwise to purchase luxury goods because you might end up paying more than what you originally intended to. This retrograde lasts from October 6 until November 16, but you still may feel her effects on you through most of December.

From October 6 -26, you may see an old love flame come back into your life. Old loves can be challenging to get over. You really liked this person, and had a connection with them, and the moment it seems like you’re finally over them, they text you or drop on by. You may not have seen them for months, and then all of a sudden they’re in your life again. This is especially challenging if you’re already seeing someone. If you’re still single, it may make you become nostalgic of the relationship and connection you had with this ex-lover, and may make you want to try again with this person. So, what will you do if this happens?

Although I’m not sure how much of this whole Venus retrograde thing is true, here’s what I’ve learned over the years when an ex tries to come back into my life:

They’re An Ex For a Reason

In my experience, anyone I’ve dated is an ex for a reason. It’s not to say that going back to a relationship you once had is a bad idea – sometimes it’s great, especially if it was just bad timing before or one of you or both had lessons to learn – but for the most part, it doesn’t work out and you’re reminded of why it didn’t work very quickly. Personally, any time I’ve dated someone a second (or third…) time, I’ve regretted it. And just like most sequels, the first is usually the best. Let’s leave it at that. Sometimes people do just need time and space to learn and grow. Once again, that’s where that timing comes into play. But you want to make sure that both of you have learned what you needed to and grown as a person. Only then can two past lovers come back and actually have a “fresh start” and have the opportunity to really put their best selves forward and have a loving, committed relationship.

Not Sure What They’re Looking For

Anytime a guy has come back it’s because he’s confused, lonely, he got into a fight with his current lover, or is unsure of what he wants in general. Maybe he’s at a crossroads in his life. But this doesn’t mean that you have to be his guiding light. In most cases, he’s not there for you or because he wants to be there for you; he’s there for himself and all of his selfish reasons. Sometimes it’s not like he’s maliciously going back to you to get what he wants and leave, but often times that is what ends up happening. This can be especially confusing to both parties if there wasn’t a solid end to the relationship.

You’re Not His Guiding Light

It’s not your responsibility to guide this person. He’s his own person, and if he needs guidance, then he can pay for a professional to help him or try and find it on his own. It’s not fair – and it’s selfish – to go back to a person that you know really cared about you just so that you can figure out a piece of your life. You have no ties to this person and it’s not your responsibility to show this person to their path.

Block Him

Trust me when I say, blocking him is for the best. I once dated a man off and on for over a year, even though he would routinely stop responding to me for up to two months at a time. Then, he would text me out of the blue, saying that he wanted to get together. I was confused because every time we did get together, our chemistry was insane. But like each time before, he would essentially ghost me until he was ready to see me again. He was very selfish. Had I just blocked him as soon as I noticed that behavior, I would have saved myself more than a year of emotional turmoil. Blocking him, although initially sad, frees up your energy, allows you to heal, and opens your heart to new possibilities.

So, when a past lover comes back into your life, what do you do? Sometimes this is the best time to get that full closure you both were looking for. Just because a past lover comes back it doesn’t mean that you have to date them or give them a second (or third) chance. It also doesn’t mean that you should shun them. Sometimes a previous lover comes back because we need to be reminded of a lesson. You’re the only one who can decide what’s best for you. My best advice here is to stay sober and think about things rationally, taking emotion out of the equation as much as possible.

What’s your experience when an ex comes back? Did you date them? Drop a line in the comments section with your story!